Apathy of the Heart

Staying Connected is a disease of the mind. We as man cannot seem to live life without bonds to others. This is fine. Love for others is love for oneself, however. Everything in abundance can kill you. All one has to do is look at any popular person online and see how much toll their mind takes by staying connected to so many.

A couple days ago I have lost my computer, now as I sit here typing on a unfamiliar German keyboard I can tell you that being disconnected hasn’t moved my heart one bit. I have spent 10 days disconnected from all social media and internet. Amusingly enough, a necessity I felt I couldn’t live without was the happiest time I have spent recently.

The silence to be alone with my own thoughts without the buzz of electricity has been kind to me. I read and enjoyed my time alone without once feeling ill at ease. However, now that I am connected again I have started some bad habits once again. Especially staying up late at night, enjoying the blue hum of my monitors.

This is fine. But I’ll try to be more disconnected from now on. I’ll also have to apologies for my absence, as I did not have a means to use the internet, nor access to my passwords on my dead computer. Since I am back, I will try to connect and bond some more to the blue hum of the ocean.

Epitome, A Haiku

A man holding one quality more than the rest? Then, does he have anything else? Is he just a goody two shoes unable to say no and in the end literally end up with nothing as others have taken everything from him? There must be balance, otherwise you cannot live your life to the fullest.

I never learned to play soccer well as a child. I always gave my ball away to the other kids to play. I didn’t particularly care about my selflessness until others noted on it. I wasn’t aware of what it did to me until I started losing a lot of personal items to people who would just “borrow” them. I just couldn’t say “No.”

From a epitome of selflessness to a balanced, normal person. Okay, that’s not true. Sometimes I have a mean streak. Bite me.

What happened to that haiku one may ask? I forgot what I originally planned to write about. Sorry for that, so here’s a 5 second haiku.

Selflesness epitome


Awakened Courage






When one is robbed of something they enjoy, they must find something to replace that void. Therefore I have decided to dedicate this spare time to the research of the occult.

Several years ago, I have purchased a set of Tarot cards and over the years I have only done a few readings. However, I discovered that each time I was guided by the cards they whispered truths into my ears. Today, I lost my reasons that prevented me from learning more about myself and the world.

I started this blog as a journal for me to use as I learn more about various facets of the occult. My main interests lie within tarot divination, runes and chaos magick. However, that does not mean that I will shy away from other subjects.

To be honest, aside from my experience with tarot and lucid dreaming in my youth, I’m embarking on this journey empty handed.

I should clarify what I mean when I say “occult”. For me, it’s a term used to define various facets of the self. For example, tarot divination for me doesn’t have any mystic or magical power. All the power comes from the self or the bond of oneself with the person one is helping.

Basically, what I’m saying is that divination techniques to me are a method one can use to learn more about themselves. Any power the cards might have does not come from outside forces, but from oneself.

That being said, I will follow up on this post with “Beginning Lucid Dreaming” which will contain a overview of techniques to achieve it and my own experiences as a child.

For those stumbling upon this journal, I wish to welcome you. I hope that I can give you even the tiniest glimpse of insight in whatever you may seek.